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COUNSELING
WOMEN
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by Robyne Beaubien
Let me say up front, that I am not a certified counselor. I love
to read and have devoured many books on this subject, but the bulk
of my experience comes from my years in ministry and what the Lord
has taught me. I want to share with you some simple things that I
have learned about counseling women.
1. Listen - the main purpose of a counselor is to give someone a sounding
board, a listening ear.
2. Pray, pray, pray - for
me, it is really important to know that I am in a place that I can
hear God lead and know that I am not letting
my thoughts and emotions get in the way. I honestly believe that if
we seek the Lord with my whole heart, immerse myself in His Word and
spend time communicating with Him in prayer, that we will be in a "spirit
of prayer" in our day to day life. Ready to hear Him and respond
as He leads. When listening to someone vent about a difficult life
situation, I must be able to set aside Robyne and let God lead.
3. Ask questions - seek
to have the one you are speaking to define why they are feeling what
they feel. If they say they are angry with
their husband ask them "why are you angry?" or "what
happened that made you angry?' Direct the discussion to find the reasoning
behind what they are feeling.
4. Don't give advice - never tell them what you would do in their
situation.
5. Use scripture - take them to the Word. Let them know that whatever
they are walking through, whether they are a victim or the antagonist,
or whatever they are in the middle of, God has a purpose for allowing
it and He wants them to turn to Him.
6. Set specific guidelines - agree to meet with them for a specific
time period. Typically I set up a 1 hour appointment in my office the
first time. Once we have talked, I then determine if we will meet again
or if I will refer them to a Christian counselor. I usually always
meet with women in my office for 30-60 minutes. If we cannot make progress
in 3-4 meetings, I refer them to a counselor.
7. Be willing to lovingly confront them - if they are obviously in
the middle of sin, take them to the Word. Show them what God has to
say about their situation. Sometimes they will be heartbroken and ready
to repent, but other times, they are not ready to admit they are wrong.
If they are unwilling to do what God says is right, nothing you say
or do, will convince them to turn from their sin. It is between them
and the Lord. Again, if after a few meetings, if they have not moved
any closer to seeking the Lord, I would refer them to a counselor.
8. Be pro-active - be willing to help, if needed. This might mean
organizing women to help take meals, clean house, or drive someone
to and from doctor or counselor visits.
9. Get them involved - find a small group or Bible study that will
be a good fit and strongly urge them to join. Or if they are looking
for a place to serve, see where there is a need in your church and
help them to get plugged in.
10. Follow-up - about a month after your last meeting with someone,
check in with them and see how they are doing.
Counseling women is one of the greatest challenges and greatest joys
of ministry. There is nothing more exciting than seeing a woman seek
the Lord with her whole heart and find out that He can meet every need
in her life.
Recommended books on counseling:
Crisis Counseling, Revised
Howard Stone / Augsburg / Fortress / 1993
When Someone Asks for Help: A Practical Guide to Counseling
Everett Worthington / Inter-varsity Press / 1982
Basic Principles of Biblical Counseling
Larry Crabb / Zondervan Corp. / 1991
Effective Biblical Counseling
Dr. Larry Crabb / Zondervan Corp. / 1977
The Biblical Basis of Christian Counseling for People Helpers
Gary Collins / Nav Press / 1997
Introduction to Biblical Counseling
John MacArthur Jr. / Thomas Nelson / W / 1994
Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling, 3d ed.
John G. Kruis / Baker / Revell / 2001
Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling Women
Patricia Miller / Baker / Revell / 2002
Hope When You're Hurting
Larry Crabb / Walker And Company / 1999
Love Is a Choice Workbook
Robert Hemfelt / Thomas Nelson / W / 1991
Making Peace with Your Past
H. Norman Wright / Baker / Revell / 1997
Christian Counselor's Handbook
Christian Broadcasting Network Staff / Tyndale House / 1987
Telling the Truth to Troubled People
William Backus / Bethany House Publishers / 1985
When You Can't Say I Forgive You: Breaking the Bonds of Anger and Hurt
Grace Ketterman / Nav Press / 2000
Before a Bad Goodbye
Timothy Clinton / Thomas Nelson / W / 1999
Josh McDowell's Handbook on Counseling Youth, softcover
Josh McDowell / Thomas Nelson / W / 1996
BASIC TYPES/PAST CARE/COUNS
Howard Clinebell / Abingdon Press / 1984
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